Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize