Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
