Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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