TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize