Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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