So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
