Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
where does the pee come out of this thing
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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