you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this will be a night to untag.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
