I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
