seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
