Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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