what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
