You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
