Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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