Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He kissed a someone with a penis
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
