I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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