Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
