I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize