If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
