He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
