I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize