just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
