One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
