Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
