Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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