I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
how does that bad decision feel?
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