I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
