There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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