U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
