so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
