I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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