Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
