if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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