I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
