Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
