You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
