is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
