i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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