The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
