4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
