I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
