Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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