just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
