So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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