he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
