I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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