Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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