I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
