Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
