I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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