I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
