You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
