Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
