she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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