There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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