dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I've blown a few things in my day
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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