North Korea, Best Korea!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well I just put wine in my tea
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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