Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So vagazzling was a success
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
