I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
