I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
