She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize