turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
