hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
