9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
