idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
