my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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