Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize