How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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