is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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